A New Weekly Seniors Workout Plan

A New Weekly Workout Plan
Valley Spirit Journal, January 1, 2005

Monday
Beat around the bush
Lift myself up by the bootsraps
Make mountains out of mole hills
Get all fired up
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls

Tuesday
Drag my heels
Make my point
Push my luck
Pull my own load
Hit the nail on the head

Wednesday
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Grab all I can get
Run around in circles
Shoulder my share of responsibility

Thursday
Shop till I drop
Hang loose
Grind to a halt
Rest and recuperate

Friday
Push it to the limit
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Pave the roadway to hell
Throw it all away

Saturday
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge

Sunday
Pick up the pieces.
Wade through the morning paper
Lift my spirits
Toot my own horn

What’s Three Times Three?

Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” was his reply.The doctor said to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday”, he replied.

Then the doctor asked the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three”? “Nine”, he answered. “That’s great!” said the doctor. “How did you get that answer??

“Easy,” said the third man. “I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

Put It On The Organ

Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the Spring and she welcomed him into her Parlour. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!!

But he felt he couldn’t mention the strange sight in her parlour. When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer —

“Miss Granny” he said while pointing to the bowl, “I wonder if you could tell me about this?” “Oh, yes”, she replied, “Isn’t is wonderful! I was walking in town last September and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And do you know— I haven’t had a cold all winter.”