What Are Seniors Worth Anyways?

Remember, old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomach. I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal.

I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Wil Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and accompanies me the rest of the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh yes, I’m also flirting with Al Zymer.

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him: “Oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, ‘Now, what am I here after?’”

by Gunter & Helga Tuttahs

Don’t Blame The Seniors

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. Upon reflection, I would like to point out that it was not the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The romance out of love,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement,
And we certainly are not the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from relationships.

So There!